PaC Man & Wife: Don't Panic

Kicking back into high gear following a successful rehearsal, Mr. PaC and I sped home to grab our hotel bags and wedding clothes before the fast-approaching rehearsal dinner at Iron Hill Brewery. Things felt under control, but time was now an issue. We still had to check-in, shower, get ready, pack up the gifts/guestbook/slideshow, and, ideally, make it to the rehearsal dinner first so I could set up, relax, and greet everyone as they arrived.

This did not happen.

Obligatory pre-dinner photo in hotel lobby

We were ready in record time, yet still running late to be early. The elevator doors opened to reveal a sizable group of guests just chilling in the lobby. Not everyone had the same sense of urgency. 

Lobby-lollygagging with my cousin J and sister L

The shuttle to the rehearsal dinner was idling out front, so 1) where was everyone else and 2) why wasn't anyone on the shuttle? Judging from my expression above, I'm about to start herding some cats. (I am totally adding "cat herder" to my list of skills.)

Let's get this show on the road, please!

Forgetting the rest of the city had a work day, I cursed the unusually awful rush hour traffic. We sat unmoving on the interstate. Compounding the situation, our exit was backed up. I was perplexed and trying not to work myself up. At least our guests were caught in the same mess, hopefully behind us. After arriving at Iron Hill and finding nary a parking spot, we realized the local minor league baseball team was sharing our special night. They and their 5,000+ fans.

Mr. PaC and I made three frenzied trips from the car (way, way out in the parking lot) to the private dining room on the second floor. Half of our 45 guests had already arrived and were happily distracted by appetizers and cocktails. This is where it went downhill for me. Carting all that crap upstairs without help when we were already late to our own party aaaaaaaaaand missing out on happy hour was the straw that broke the camel's back. (Now that I re-read that it sounds like there may have been multiple straws dog-piling me.) We had just dropped the last of the bags into the room and I was preparing a strategic retreat to the bathroom where I'd compose myself and re-enter as Happy Bride.

Instead, one of Mr. PaC's cousins caught my elbow to say hi, recognized the panic in my eyes, and sympathetically told me to relax and breathe. This had the intended effect, but I was already on the verge of frustrated tears. I just wanted a moment alone. My eyes welled up, betraying me. I mumbled something about it all being too much too quickly. Eye contact was out of the question. We stood silently for a moment longer until the urge to let it all out subsided.

My family, my anchor, was on the other side of the room. I fell into hugs with my parents and slowly my world stopped spinning. Food in my belly and a drink in hand does wonders for stress. (Hint: No one bugs you much when you're eating.)

Grandpa with two-thirds of his grandchildren: sister L, cousin J, myself, and cousin S

All smiles from our reader and MOH.

The silly comes out... rocking the cupcake menu, Run-D.M.C.-style.

I spy with my little eye... a little teaser hidden in the photo below. Look a little closer. Do you see it? What has the interest of our guests on the far left?

The rumors must be true... it's slideshow time!!! Travel back to 1981 (or earlier in the case of Mr. PaC) and watch the we rapid-age from newborns to adults in a mere 8 minutes. (For the uninitiated, I'll be the chubby one with the dimples and a full head of dark hair.)

Did you see the fanny packs and colorblock clothes? Enough of that! After everyone had a turn watching the slideshow and thumbing through the guestbook, it was time for gifts. We opted for practical gifts the recipient would use and think of the wedding. My two ladies were gifted their wedding day earrings and a modern white bud vase.

My parents and Mr. PaC's mom received platters, serving bowls and pitchers from Macy's. (Yay gift cards and a 10% registry discount!)

Mr. PaC's dad and step-mom love to host gourmet dinners so they received tapas serving sets. Maybe we can use them next time we're over?

"How did we know you'd like this sort of thing?!"

But I have to say, the groomsmen's gifts that Mr. PaC thought up were my favorite! Half the fun was knowing what they were opening and waiting for their reaction.

Laughing in anticipation...

Bewildered amusement at the second gift!

Mr. PaC's first gift to them was bottle of nice liquor that he followed up with the "Little Whizzer" (a novelty drink dispenser) - a nod to their grandfather's sense of humor. 

The night flew by. The only timekeeper was the distance between my increasingly common yawns. This bride was beat! The morning's drama felt like days ago. Our proud mother posed with us for a few last photos.

Still have the dimples!

Our photo session was interrupted by the sound of percussive booms, bangs, and wailing whistles. I raced to the window like a kid at Christmas and saw what I'd always dreamed of, but was never in the budget - fireworks! The ballpark had redeemed itself with what I considered to be our own fireworks display. 

What a grand closing to the rehearsal evening!

(photo credits: various family members)

Catch up on our PaC recaps!

Days Before

• In the days leading up to the wedding, I wanted to be sedated.
• I walked the line between calm and stressed for the better part of our rehearsal day.

PaC Man & Wife: Walk the Line

The morning of our rehearsal was the first, and thankfully only, time I lost my cool.

My mom and I were en route to the nail salon and running late. Running late because I drove 25 minutes out of the way to pick her up instead of meeting her there. I hate being late. That she didn't know the area as well as she let on soon became apparent when her directions failed to deliver us on time to the proper location. All she knew from her visit there yesterday was that the nail salon was next to the drugstore. What she did not know was this stretch of road has three shopping centers with both a nail salon and that specific drugstore. And we just pulled up at the wrong one. Mother. (That word can, and did, go both ways in this scenario.) I snapped. Over so many little things that felt like big things. As soon as I had unloaded all my stress on her, I felt terrible and immediately apologized. I just yelled at my mom. She graciously chalked it up to stress and never said another word about it.

Meanwhile in the nail salon, who shows up for a pedicure wearing a short skirt??? This bride. Serious case of bride brain solved by an artfully placed towel. I was so tense the massage chair felt like a torture device. I zoned out, too preoccupied for small talk, and tried to quiet my thoughts. The only thing I was sure of was the color I wanted for my hands: a soft, barely there pink. Classic, lady-like and not distracting. Now was not the time for a last-minute switcheroo to a bold color. My brain was not to be trusted.

OPI Axxium "Bubble Bath" in action later that night

The afternoon was filled with go, go, go. Lots of scheduling and logistics commotion. All I can remember is a sense of being overwhelmed and the disappointment of being the bride and not being able to relax and enjoy it. There was so much still ahead of us. Having a willing, calm, and capable Mr. PaC around made all the difference. Had he not been around, I probably would have snapped at more people than just my mom. He took control when we arrived at the venue, directing boxes and people to begin the unpacking and assembling. Everything was in his capable hands, so I slipped outside to survey the grounds.

Anticipation was running high as I rushed past the brick wall surrounding the gardens, eager for a glimpse of the summer colors and the climbing hydrangea that would be the backdrop to our ceremony.

Rounding the corner, the one thing I'd always thought would be there wasn't... the giant white mophead blooms of the climbing hydrangea. Clearly, they'd arrived and gone. The spent spherical stem structures were the only reminder of what we'd hoped for over a year ago.


Disappointment set in as I realize our vows would not look exactly as I pictured. There would be no backdrop of puffy white blooms. I surveyed the gorgeous summer garden before me.

A white dogwood in glorious bloom laced above my head.





Mounds of cheery summer flowers appeared at every turn.

And I decided to let it go. What a small thing to get hung up on when so much had gone right.

Inside the venue, our friends and family were still arriving and catching up. The photo booth backdrop was in place and other projects were wrapping up as Linda, our venue's coordinator, arrived to lead us through the rehearsal.

BM R crafting the rehearsal bouquet. A sneak peek at our washi tape escort cards.

My completed rehearsal bouquet!

The paper lanterns in a state of readiness: assembled and bunched.
Our officiant, whom we had yet to meet, was unable to be there (i.e., it was an extra fee) and our DJ had another gig so this would be a very loose rehearsal of the ceremony. No matter, we were prepared. My little black binder contained the text of the entire hand-crafted ceremony so we could walk through it without the officiant. It contained other details for which I was endlessly teased: contact information for each vendor with thumbnail headshots, color-coded day-of timeline, sketched layouts for the decor, and more bits of information we'd have been lost without.

Camera duties were handed over to my cousin J, also one of our readers, and we began the rehearsal!


Linda explaining the processional to Mr. PaC.

Herding cats.

Mr. PaC throwing his hands up after catching crap for walking too fast, looking down, and other infractions. Poor groom!

Practicing a more refined walk.
And then it was my turn. Deep breath.


In the moment above, I am thinking about everything other than walking down the aisle. (Everything else includes: My dad's health since earlier in the day it was still a question mark if he'd feel up to the short walk down the aisle. Watch for uneven pavers. Don't trip. Walk slow. But not too slow. How can I tell how fast to walk; there is no music. Ah, we'll wing it tomorrow! Steady Dad's arm. Man, this sun is bright.) An absolute stream of consciousness. You can understand why looking up or smiling escaped me. Yet, no one gave me crap.


My dad lightens the mood by explaining to Mr. PaC that I'm HIS problem now!

The moms having a good laugh at our expense.

Caught smiling and relaxing, just a bit!
After the rehearsal, I had no concerns. Our wedding party and family listened to Linda's expert directions and we got it right on the first try. Even my sister, who hadn't been in a wedding before excelled, sometimes with a nudge from BM R. Our goal of crafting a simple ceremony allowed us to skim over the text so we never actually said our vows or practiced the kiss. (We are pretty practiced at kissing, btw.) The only thing I would have liked to go over was our musical cues, but that could be figured out the next day. It didn't have to be perfect for us to be married.

Up next: our rehearsal dinner with a little surprise!

(all personal photos - thanks cousin J!)
Catch up on our PaC recaps!

Wedding Week

• In the days leading up to the wedding, I wanted to be sedated.

PaC Man & Wife: I Wanna Be Sedated

When I set out to write my recaps, I never intended for the first one to go live 16 months after our wedding. I mean, that’s a really long time, right? But 16 months have passed. Eight of those were spent in wait for our pro pics. About a quarter of the content was written by the time our pics arrived. I had grand plans to knock them out in two months and have the last one wrap up right around our one year anniversary.

But life throws things, sometimes pretty big things, at you that disrupt your forward momentum. My grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and given six months to live… and if I wanted to look back with no regrets, it meant putting the recaps on hold and finally giving him a copy of their love story (my senior design thesis) before he was too ill to appreciate it. So in early spring, I launched into the arduous task of redesigning and printing the book. I finished in time but was emotionally exhausted.

Even though I was anxious to write, there was nary a free weekend or quiet evening now. And I was experiencing all sorts of uncomfortable arm issues relating to too much computer usage. Knowing these recaps would be my “Weddingbee thesis,” I did not want to force them or release them before I felt they were as close to perfect as I could get. It was imperative that the recaps started with our then-non-existent wedding video and, of course, I needed a special PaC recap banner. You might get the idea I’m a little perfectionistic. But it’s important to me to give you a set of complete recaps ready to roll with no interruptions.

So thanks for waiting. I promise I’ll make it worthwhile.

---

The days before our wedding were not what I expected. I fell into the trap of thinking just because everything on my to-do list was done, that there would be no stress, nothing to do. Hah! Hahahahaha - man, I was delusional!

What I expected: calm, leisurely days lunching with family, evenings reminiscing on our childhoods complete with embarrassing stories, and maybe a cocktail or two with the younger relatives. A mature, controlled transition into married life.

What I got: Read on. Just read on.

There was so much going on that I had trouble processing it before it stressed me out. This bride wanted fewer details, less information from the periphery. Only the important stuff! No, I don't care to know what everyone ate for lunch. The expectation was that I'd play host and find activities for everyone. Coordinate meeting times and corral people. I didn't want to be responsible for myself, let alone a large group of people. It felt like a game of Hot Potato and I did NOT want that damn potato. I wanted to be sedated (see title). 

The endless running around combined with the hot, hot weather had taken its toll on me. There was no extra effort on my part to look presentable in the days before the wedding, as you'll see in the photos to come. When I get overwhelmed, it's no make-up and comfy clothes. Thus the maxi dress (sans bra), flip flops, air-dried hair, and pale face. Heck, I didn't have time for food. 

 Welcome dinner hosted by Mr. PaC's dad and step-mom!

 Enough smiling. This is all you get! 

We are a united front. 

There were more important things to focus on two days before our wedding. Like the fact that my dad's condition hadn't improved much. He was still weak and very pale. My stomach was in knots over his health, which selfishly turned to how it might affect the wedding's big moments: our walk down the aisle and the father-daughter dance. Most brides stress about the weather. I was stressing about my dad's health.

After the chaos of the past few days, the last thing I had energy for was playing cruise director to my out-of-town family so it was a relief when they starting leaving me out of their plans. "Really, no. I'll be fine by myself. Some quiet time would be good." We'd finally cleared everyone out of our house and recaptured our space. A bedroom to lay out my suitcase and finally pack for the honeymoon. A living room to serve as a prep area for boxes and decor. An unoccupied bathroom - no waiting. Regaining our space felt good. Exhausted, hungry, and in need of a drink, we snuck away from all the crazy with Mr. PaC's mom. God, did we ever need that break. 

 

Mmmmm, mojitos.

Being incommunicado for an hour or two was liberating and restorative. But in our radio silence, I got my wish. Things were being scheduled for us... like an impromptu mini-shower with 15 of my family members crammed into a hotel room. Nothing says "welcome to the family" like the following picture. 

Doesn't Mr. PaC look a little freaked out (and tired)?

Once the shock of so many people in such a small space wore off, Mr. PaC and I realized everyone was looking at us, waiting. Awwwwkwaaaaard. So everyone got a preview of the rehearsal dinner slideshow. It tested well. Which was good, because I wasn't making any more changes!

Then it was time for the gifts. My uncle, who recently picked up stained glass as a hobby, designed and crafted a seascape panel months in advance and drove it all the way from Minnesota. It now hangs in a prominent location at the base of our stairs.

The rumors we like wine are far-reaching, indeed. My cousins gifted us a quartet of custom "Pain au Chocolat's Wine Bar, est. 2011." It's cute how they encourage our drinking habit.

The PaCs: 44 hours and counting until "I do."

By the end of the impromptu shower, I was wiped. We said our goodbyes and enjoyed a peaceful drive home. The house was quiet and dark. Sleep couldn't come fast enough. Tomorrow was our rehearsal day.

(all photos taken by my snap-happy family)